Scratch my back

Scratch my back and I will scratch yours. Often in relationship, we have an unmet need for someone to scratch our back. The unspoken rule is that they will scratch ours back. What happens when the other person does not scratch back?

Resentment builds up inside of us and whether we are aware or not, we become passive aggressive with the person in the relationship or overtly aggressive. We aren’t stating the obvious frustration to the person that they are not showing up for us. The relationship has become imbalanced and not mutually beneficial to us both. Eventually the relationship will dissolve or be intolerable to be in.

Social reciprocity creates secure safe trusting bonds within society. If I bring you a goat; you will give me some eggs. If I bring you a warm cake; you will serve me a cup of coffee. If I share kind words; you will share kind words. If you need a lift, and I give you a lift, then in the unforeseen future I need a lift, you give me a lift.

Christ tells us “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.” Would you feed, clothe, and shelter someone if you didn’t have those basic needs met for yourself? Not likely.

True Altruism according to my late and brilliant professor, Dr. Simon Perry said doesn’t exist. He said even if the kind act or gesture is done in secret, the person doing the act got a serotonin boost for the act.

Maybe at our best humans can donate their time or resources to noteworthy causes. However in one to one relationships, family, colleagues and friendships folks do keep score.

Go ahead and scratch their back if they scratch yours. You will feel you both got a need met and walk away feeling good about your bond.